Letting go! Am I ready?

My spate of health issues have continued through the year. It's been nine months now and I continue to grapple with persistent health issues. It is the longest I have been ill ever in my life. A recent realization is emerging as I am learning to quieten down. Are my persistent health issues this year  largely around things I don't have control over?

Let me explain. If you have a viral fever, a cold or a cough or even something more serious. Usually, you have control over the duration and/or course of action to deal with the illness. Moreover, there is certainty to the symptoms and impact it will have on your body. I realize my illness has been different.

I caught a stomach bug in early March and since then, without warning, I have bouts of vomiting and dizziness. It can happen at any moment and usually I am unable to establish the trigger. The doctors took six months to diagnose it as Helicobacter Pylori Infection (H Pylori) whose symptoms are recurring bouts of vomiting. I would be sitting working in office and I could have an attack. I could be watching a movie and a sudden sense of dizziness and nausea would lead to extended bouts of vomiting draining me off energy for the rest of the day. Some days would end with this while others would start with it.

A month back, I was diagnosed with Chronic Vertigo. Again, something totally out of my control. I could be walking on the street or working or just sitting a home doing nothing and I would suddenly have my world turn upside down and I would need to sleep it off for a few hours.

I have had to cancel meetings, travel plans, work schedules, meeting friends and family. My life has come to a stop. My day starts and ends with anxiety around this uncertainty. Will I get an attack today? Will I be around people who can care for me? Will I embarrass myself in front of strangers? Will it be manageable or will I need to go to the hospital? Have I taken on my medicines? What if it is more severe than last time?

Anxiety rules my day!

I kept wondering what this means? To have an illness that I don't have any certainty or control over. It could occur anywhere and at anytime without warning.

I wonder if it is giving me a message around letting go? Letting life lead me on; learning to give up control; learning to let go to things I am holding onto; learning to take it slow; learning to trust life; learning to trust my caregivers and learning to seek help.

I wonder if I am taking longer to heal because I am holding on; scared to let go?

Maybe, instead of my illness, I should focus on my inner churn. I should focus on letting go!!

My Own Golden Cage

I started my year with an illness and over the last 3 months have had a spate of health issues. Health issues that have forced me to work from home, work less hours, visit doctors, take medication and reassess my lifestyle. In some sense, it was long coming.

I know it's not burn out. It's been years since I worked weekends, long hours or late nights. I start work at ten in the morning and usually leave office by sixty thirty in the evening. I rarely work weekends. So, I know it's not work.

I have had sufficient ups and downs as a non-profit entrepreneur and built some resilience around conflicts at work, pressures of goals and impact and erratic funding cycles. I do realize my risk appetite has come down. I also realize that I am not out to change the world NOW, that too single-handedly. I have a more balanced, patient and pragmatic view of my work and my approach to impacting lives in the world. I know this work requires a lifetime and more and I am willing to make that investment.

My wife says, there is a churn that is happening in my being and my body is manifesting the shifts through these illnesses. She is usually right about these things. Though, I am not sure what shifts are happening in my being and why these shifts are manifesting through different illnesses.

On the contrary, I watch my wife who is also my journey partner at work. She is surging ahead with confidence and love in her life journey. She loves work, understands her body, listens to her body, mind and heart and makes healthy choices. Over the last few years, she has nurtured her soul and continues to do so with many creative practices. She does quilling, zen-tangles, arts and crafts, paintings and puzzles. All creative practices that quieten her mind, give her personal space for reflection, bring balance in her life, make her centered and keep her happy and engaged with life. She is great at taking care of herself and saying NO. At work, I notice she is able to give more of herself to people and her role. She is turned-on about what we are doing and is able to inspire, motivate and more importantly empower the team. She is supremely self-aware and is able to create an amazing space for reflections, learning and personal growth to happen.

She has been urging me to take up a creative practice to heal my soul and my body. I know she is right. Yet, I resist it.

I enjoy nature and yet I hardly spend anytime in nature. I love meeting friends and yet I have been putting off meeting friends for months now. I plan to call and meet and then vegetate through the weekend or distract myself with to-do-lists of errands. I had nurtured my interest in reading last year but this year, I have avoided taking up books to read. I love writing poetry and yet find reasons not to write. Friends have invited me join play groups for some physical exercise, I complain about not being able to get up in the morning. Recently, a dear friend sent me a colouring book for adults. I watch it at my table and have been avoiding picking it up. Yoga and meditation has been recommended to me. I am avoiding it.

I see the impact. I am not working to my potential.

My week starts with to-do lists from work and my weekends start with to-do lists on the personal front. The never-ending, ever expanding to-do lists. Even reaching and connecting with family and friends goes into my to-do list now and then I detest doing it because now it's just a task - not something I really want to do because it nurtures me.

It's like a protective shield around me that is preventing me from expanding, exploring and discovering the magical me. My self-built golden cage.

I see myself constantly living in guilt. Guilt of not nurturing my being; not giving myself importance. Putting myself first. The paradox, though, is that when I do put myself first, I feel guilty for not being there for family, friends and colleagues. I feel selfish and self-centered. I have got caught into a vicious web of resistances and limiting beliefs.

I wonder why I resist being kind and gracious to myself. I wonder why I resist an opportunity to nurture myself; to take a break; to do nothing, to go away for sometime; to give myself and my body rest. I wonder what are the resistances that hold me back from living my potential. The self-limiting belief systems that become me and gnaw away at me - slowly and steadily.

With so much suffering that I see, listen to and receive around me. Do I keep myself miserable so I can relate and empathize with the suffering of others who come into my life?

Do I feel guilty for living a life of privilege and happiness and hence find ways to stay in pain and suffering?

Is it because I grew up with watching my parents struggle and having received messages (consciously and unconsciously) that life is a struggle, have I embraced this approach to life?

Do I have it in me to accept myself for my awesomeness? Be bold and unapologetic for being Me? Embrace the idea that nurturing myself is part of this work and life. Accept happiness in equal measure to pain and suffering. Be kind and empathetic to myself for only then I can authentically be empathetic towards another human being. Do I have it in me to break out of my golden cage?

I hope expressing it is the first step towards changing the narrative of my life.

I Seem To Have Forgotten What Excitement Looks Like

How do you show excitement, I asked a group of participants at a recent workshop. Mime it. As the participants showed the vibrancy and diversity of their expressions of excitement, I realized the circle will soon come to me and I wondered how I would show excitement. I drew a BIG blank. I attempted to jog my memory from my near or distant past and I got none. My mind didn't have a memory, my heart could not recollect the feeling and my body could not express excitement. I drew a blank.

I made a meek attempt when my turn came but the thought left me disturbed. When was the last time I was truly excited and showed it. I am still struggling as I write this a few days later.

I am attempting to relive memories that would ideally make me happy and excited. A young man graduating, a young girl getting her dream job, a bunch of young boys winning a rugby tournament, a young man sharing this dream with a glow on his face, a group of teachers expressing gratitude at how our work has changed their lives forever, a tough fundraising bid that came through. Nothing! Nada!

How about memories from my personal life? Watching my favourite movie, reading my favourite comic, a stroll in the forest, making a loved one happy, going out with friends, making a new friend, visiting a new country/city, eating my favourite food, trying a new cuisine, listening to a dear friend, watching a friend's child take their first steps. Nothing! Nada!

All supremely happy moments that make up our daily lives and I have plenty of them. Enough to fill a book. Yet, when I think about if they truly make me happy, if they make me jump with joy or even just express something with my eyes....and I can't seem to remember! I am drawing a blank around what excitement looks like for me.

When was the last time I did a high five, jumped a hoop, screamed with joy, showed a real emotion of elation or achievement? I can't seem to remember.

Is it bad not to know; not to remember? It is temporary or I have begun to view life and its events with a certain stoicism? I wonder?

Is the joy for life waning? Did I ever have it? If I did, where, when and how did it disappear? Maybe, it's not that bad not having it. I don't know. Am I missing it? I don't know. I want to say 'yes' but seems like I am alright not having it.

Am I scared of it? Am I scared of happiness? I don't know. Saying 'yes' seems like an easy justification. Saying, I don't know makes me curious and wanting to observe myself more closely. 

2015: A Letter to Myself

I haven't been the right space of mind lately. An idea has been running in my mind to write a letter to myself and at the end of it, discover what it tells me. so, here goes...  

~ The year saw my elder sister take the entrepreneurial route, not so much out of her choice, as much as how some incidents played out in her life. It meant investing all her hard-earned savings of the last 15 years and take a complete detour from her life plan. She has been unrelenting in her resilience to stay the course, learn a new business, stay grounded and work tremendously hard to attempt to make it work.

~ My younger sister took the other plunge and got married to the love of her life. The year started with a beautiful and memorable wedding and it was just so amazing to see her traverse the first year of marriage with such grace. The love she and her husband share, the respect for each other and how they hold each other in their hearts is just beautiful. In all this medley, she continues to run her new business and learn the ropes of entrepreneurship.

I don't say this often but my sisters are an inspiration and role models to the many women who choose to walk with their head held high.

~ My best friend had a baby girl. I am over the moon and just so happy for them. She is just so adorable and it's even more adorable to see the doting parents. The first time I held her, I went weak in my knees and felt committed to create a better world for her. 

~ One of my closest friends got married to someone who brings just so much happiness in her life. They remind of the simplicity and eternity of love. I wish them the best of life and happiness. 

~ Reconnecting with my school mates, many of them after 21 years. The un-adulterated laughter, sheer happiness, many memories and deep connections we are sharing has helped me go back to my happy place in childhood. 

~ My travels (which I love) took me to Dubai, Copenhagen and Singapore for the first time this year. Dubai was about reconnecting with friends. Singapore was about discovering food and local communities. Copenhagen was just an amazing personal holiday combined with a conference. 

~ Reconnecting with my friends in Dubai and meeting their children for the first time. Feeling loved and cared for. I felt a deep connection to their 6-year old daughter and in her found the curiosity and yearning that life has for itself. She gives me so much hope for the world and made me feel alive with empathy and love. A bond we share today, that goes beyond age, to our souls. 

~ Continuing my exploration of food and getting more confident with my cooking. Food, its history, its culture, its connections and the love it brings within people and families. Excited to explore this part of me in 2016. I feel proud of the history and love for food that I have inherited from my family.

~ Seeing one of my closest friends make a graceful and most amazing transition from her organization and through the pain of it all, discovering the expanse that life holds for her. She taught me humility and grace in letting go. Thank you for considering me trustworthy to be part of this inner journey.

~ Being part of another friend's journey to take on leadership in her organization. Fighting her demons and winning them over; building her confidence and holding herself with dignity though the journey was a lesson in self-belief. 

~ Learning about a dear friend and mentor's illness was devastating. Feel overwhelmed and helpless. Yet, in this difficult time, he just shares joy, happiness and laughter with the world. He gives us the gift of his sharing and in making us part of his journey, he helps us cope with our own pain. 

~ Dream a Dream hosted its first ever conference - Change The Script. Our attempt to go deeper with our inner journeys, ask the difficult questions, listen to each other without judgment and build a larger eco-system invested in our children. The buildup was painful but the outcomes was awe-inspiring.

~ Change at Dream a Dream also came with a whole new brand launch. Our attempt to celebrate 15 years of hardwork with being bold and unapologetic with our ideas, approaches and work. This was combined with the move to a new office - More spacious, airy, colourful and living the bold and unapologetic message. 

~ Experiencing the power of young people in Changing The Script and claiming their dreams through the immense, often unfathomable, challenges that life throws at them. Being part of this extremely difficult journey with especially 4 young graduates this year from Dream a Dream showed me the power of just backing them, trusting them and willing them on follow their dreams. Vishnu, Nandish, Ranjith, Arun - you held me together.

~ Watching Suchetha live one of her best professional years yet and really show up with her soul was just the most heartening aspect of 2015. She today holds the soul of Dream a Dream together and she does it with so much care and empathy. The result is in the most amazing team we have; people who have turned corners and discovered their most awesome self; new people who have found purpose and many more who can't wait to be part of this journey. When I see Suchetha, she shows me the kind of leadership we need in this world today - that of care, empathy and deep personal work. She lives it daily and is the best representation of that in the work of Dream a Dream today.

~ 2015 is the year I say (and have said many times) that Dream a Dream is doing its best work ever. 15 years of trying, very hard and with intention and we are just about discovering that true, sustainable change happens only with taking young people and adults through their own journeys of transformation. We stay true to the path of truth and our only commitment is to solve the problem. Every moment of everyday, we have seen, heard and experienced powerful moments of transformation in 2015. 

 ~ This year Suchetha and myself also complete 2 years of being married. It has not being without its share of doubts, challenges and questions. We have shown each other the worst within us and yet felt safe that only we can see the worst of each other and be in love. In all our turmoils, we have given each other dignity and respect and that has kept us together. We also know that when we are in sync, we are amazing. Our best inner work and our best ideas happen when we are one soul in two bodies. We crave for those moments and when they happen, its magical. We are unstoppable and we love it. 

It's been a difficult year for me. Many internal turmoils, moments of doubts, boredom, immense helplessness and many a time overwhelming shock. World events and events closer to home have deeply impacted me and paralyzed me. I feel trapped and many a time, purposeless. On days, I find myself unable to even move beyond my couch. Suchetha has held me close in these moments and given me strength. Dream a Dream has helped me stay sane and the young people have given me hope. Everyday, I hold onto something to help me get through. Boy! Am I glad I have found something every day. 

Looking back, I realize how amazingly full and rich with milestones and experiences my year has been. Family, friends, mentors and strangers who have held me close and supported me. 

In 2016, I hope I can find within me the ability to let go of the gloom and embrace the simplicity that life continues to offer. As I recently read in an inspiring book about a 100-year old man, "Whatever will be, will be"!

Boys And Girls Can Never Be Friends

I grew up with two sisters – one elder and one younger. We had neighbours who have 4 children – 3 girls and 1 boy. I grew up with 2 of the girls who were closer to our age. My early years were filled with games and activities that the 5 of us did together. Hence, I didn’t recognize the difference between boys and girls until I joined school.

My first awkward experience around a girl was in my 4^th grade. I used to sit on the first bench sharing it with another girl. I have heard a story from my parents about how she kissed me on my cheek once. I was made fun off and embarrassed by my parents, teachers and friends. I don’t think I understood what the big deal was about.

In my 5^th grade, I used to sometimes participate in games with girls during lunch break and my boy friends used to laugh at me and make fun of me. Having grown up around girls, I didn’t understand what the fuss was about but definitely felt awkward and soon I stopped playing with them.

In my 7^th grade, I used to share my seat with another girl. Adolescence was setting in so while there was awkwardness, we soon overcame it and became good friends. Our 7^th grade class teacher was very special and encouraged both genders to sit together and interact. However, my class mates thought that was weird. Soon enough, there were rumours abound about us liking each other.  When she left school (her father was transferred to another city), I remember I cried and I missed her around for a long time. I have fond memories of how we used to compete to finish an algebra problem first.

During 7^th to 10^th grade, as full blown adolescence hit all of us, equations of friendships changed rapidly. We became more conscious of each other’s presence. While some of us explored, most of us were too shy and scared to explore. My parents made it abundantly clear that every girl in my class was my sister. During school assemblies, our principal made it a point to state that every boy and girl in your school was your brother and sister. Most giggled and some like me believed it to be true. During Raksha Bandhan (a local Indian festival where a sister ties a band on her brother’s wrist and a brother promises to protect and care for her), my hands would be filled with bands from my classmates.

It was during one of my co-curricular activities, I met my best friend for life. While we don’t stay in touch often now, we both share very special memories of our time together in school. She was possibly the first girl that I became truly close to. After our classes, I would often walk her to the bus stop and wait until she got her bus. I would then cycle home. Sometimes, we would stand by the bus stop and talk for hours – sharing our life stories, our dreams and our aspirations. It was one of my most special times. We had been to each other’s homes and while parents were suspicious, the stamp of approval came when we declared we were brother-sister. I don’t think we cared much as long we could be friends. Best friends. I am glad we still are. There were rumours. We were conscious. Concerned. Felt awkward at time. But, the relationship felt right.

Once, in my 10^th grade, our class was punished for missing our PE (Physical Education) class and we were made to write an imposition – “I will not miss PE class” 500 times. What a wasted punishment. Anyway, we did it. The next day when submitting my imposition, another teacher said it out loud, “Give him an additional 500 times imposition; I have seen him talking to and hanging out with girls!” I lost it and ran away sobbing uncontrollably in front of the whole school. I was a spectacle in front of the whole school and was called a sissy by many. Embarrassment galore. I was called into the Principal’s office, who was a lovely lady, but made it very clear, “I hear you hang out and talk to girls after school hours. You have been seen hanging out with a girl at the bus stop. We don’t allow such behavior in our school and I expect you to stop immediately. You are spoiling the reputation of the school. Being the School Captain, it is unbecoming of you.”

Luckily, I must say, at that time, she didn’t call and complain to my parents. I was an embarrassment in front of the whole school and felt deeply hurt and ashamed for no fault of mine.

I am glad that incident didn’t affect our friendship and we are the best of friends even today. I can’t even imagine the shame and embarrassment my friend must have gone through.

For years since then, I have struggled to build healthy relationships with the opposite gender. My early relationships with girls were fraught with guilt and shame. My view of myself, when I looked at women or felt attracted to them, always left me guilty and shameful. I never knew when my sisters got their first period, where the pads might have mysteriously disappeared and why on certain days during the month, my sisters missed school. I can’t even imagine the guilt and shame they might have grown up with.

Yet, at a certain age, I was expected to get married to a girl, make love to her, understand her, build a lifelong relationship with her and spend the rest of my life with her. I was expected to be able to communicate with this person, share a home with her and make her my best friend. I also have many colleagues at work who are women and I am expected to communicate and have a healthy working relationship with them. At this point, I have a woman as a colleague (in this case also my wife) who shares my vision and we are building an organization together. 

All of my life, I have heard messages to stay away from girls and then suddenly I am expected to work in the most important team of my life with a woman, and navigate life’s complex changes with a wife.

Am I missing something here? Do we see the irony of it?

The problem is deeply entrenched in the way we are bringing up children – be it parents or teachers. In our work at Dream a Dream, we come across young people every day (men and women) growing up in a gender insensitive environment. Young men saying they will beat up their wives because they have seen their fathers and uncles do it. Young women accepting violence from men because they have been taught to accept and endure.

“My parents want me to get married at 16. What can I do Uncle? They know best.”

“Women are all like this only. They want money and gifts and then they leave you and go.”

Judgments and impressions that are formed through hearsay and being exposed to a highly stereotypical media.

Growing up in a gender imbalanced world and then expecting to have a healthy relationship with the opposite gender is crazy. Today, I struggle to understand my wife, her views and opinions, her feelings and her needs and she struggles to understand mine. We often talk and wonder about how we are brought up in an environment where we hardly communicate with the opposite gender and are yet expected to magically resolve all our conflicts as adults. While we are still committed to work through this paradox, how many couples out there are stuck in unhappy marriages or walk out of them, because they don’t have the skills to deal with each other?

Creating healthy environments in schools for children of different genders to talk, share, interact and play together could solve the challenges they face in relationships as adults. Creating spaces and conversations that foster healthy relationships, empathy for each other, respect and dignity will help build healthy adult relationships. Dispelling stereotypes, guilt and shame around love, sex and friendships between genders will help build a positive self-identify and responsible behavior.

I know it’s taken me years to heal the scars left from those early gender experiences filled with guilt and shame and I wish we would stop perpetuating these experiences amongst children today.

I can still hear my mother telling me during one of our school picnics, “Stay away from women, smoking and alcohol!” I know she meant well but it really made it think of women as evil. I am grateful that deep down I didn’t believe it since my mother, being a woman, is an angel and I have found a best friend for life in my wife. 

My biggest Life Lesson came during lunch-break at School

I spent 13 years in School. These included countless hours inside the classroom learning physics, chemistry, history and mathematics. I loved most of the subjects. 

I memorized dates in History but was fascinated by stories of warriors and kings when they came alive.

Shakespeare's Julius Caesar was easy to remember from the comic book than the text book as I saw the illustrations and imagined a world from a bygone era.

I practiced algorithms and theorems and a few odd compounds in Chemistry but loved most when we mixed compounds in the lab and watched magic happen.

I spent days pouring over geography trying to understand the formation of clouds and volcanoes. I dreamt of being David Livingstone and discovering a new world on Earth like he discovered the Congo basin.

I loved Computers primarily because I had a huge crush on my teacher and I so wanted to impress her.

I loved Algebra because I was challenged by a girl and it was good fun to sometimes beat her. Though, I have never understood why we learnt Algebra.

I hated Physics primarily because the teacher could not care to explain.

I didn't much care for Hindi because the teacher spent most the class session telling us stories from his life rather than teaching. So on and so forth.

Yet, all I was expected to do was memorize and regurgitate it back during examinations. The hundreds of hours inside the classroom didn't give me a single life lesson that is worth remembering. My biggest life lesson came during our lunch break at School in my 6th grade.

Every lunch break, after gobbling up our lunch, we used to form two teams and race around our colonial styled school building in a relay format. 5-6 people in a team exchanging batons after completing a full school circle. Darting between scores of students, who were playing, running, jumping around, it was our own little Olympics. This particular year, our team was in shambles. We were consistently losing every single day of the school year and our hopes were grim. We tried making team changes but nothing seemed to click. One fine afternoon, we finished lunch and gathered around for a daily race. Something was different that day. I felt a sense of calm and in a moment of consciousness, I said to myself, “we will win today!”

The race began and with each exchange of baton the other team was expanding their lead. The fastest runners from each team were reserved for the last. The last person in my friend’s team got the baton and he raced away feeling confident of winning yet another race. I received the baton just as my opponent was making his first turn. I closed my eyes for a split second and repeated, “We will win today!”

When I opened my eyes, everyone around me turned into a blur – children jumping around, playing, walking – everyone just disappeared. I saw only my opponent as he was making the turn. I ran. I ran with a sense of calm confidence. I felt my feet flying just inches above the ground. At the third turn, I overtook my opponent. I saw from the corner my eye; he had frozen in his tracks. I knew we had won not just the race but every race thereafter. We won and I knew it.

Whenever I think back at my school days, this memory is the most vivid. For years, I didn’t understand why I remembered this incident so vividly. It always comes alive like it happened yesterday. Now, I know. My body, my mind and my soul remembers this incident because it is my biggest life lesson.

It gave me my self-belief. The belief that I can make Impossible POSSIBLE!

Every time I am down in the dumps, pushed to a corner, when things seem impossible, this single experience gives me the strength and resilience to fight back, to pull myself up, to rise above and to come alive again. An experience from an inane activity that happened during lunch break at school.

I believe we all have these moments from our childhood. If we look around, our children’s lives are rich with powerful learning moments that fundamentally shape them, transform them, and give them a sense of their identity. Our children are curious and hungry to learn, discover, make sense of this world. The constant questions, the insatiable hunger to know, the Whys - these are all indicators of life's longing for itself. 

It's time schools are transformed to be nurturing environments for such powerful moments not just at lunch break but also within the classroom. 

It's time we recognize that children are dropping out of the school system because they are not feeling engaged, challenged and inspired. They are not getting their powerful learning moments that will nurture them and help them discover who they are.

It's time we accept that if we want to save this planet, we need to invest in creating experiences of empathy, love, caring and self-belief in our children.

If we can't change then maybe we just need to have longer lunch breaks so the universe can nurture its children, inspite of us. Just like Kahlil Gibran’s memorable words…

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”

Do Academic Outcomes Lead to Better Life Outcomes?

When I was in school, I was told by almost all my teachers and parents that I need to study and get good grades. I listened to them because I believed them. All through my growing up years - studying, memorizing and repeating it during examinations became my sole aim. I got good results too. I was in the top 5 in my class all through school and I took pride in that. I felt special and different. I was made to believe I was above the rest who would struggle with their studies and grades. I was made to believe I will have better life outcomes because I am good at my academics.

I was discouraged from Sports or any of my other interests. I let go of sports in my 7th grade even though I was one of the fastest athletes in my class and passionate about running. My teachers told to me to spend every free hour studying. I was even assigned to labeled slow students whom I had to teach during our breaks. It is a surprise I managed to stay committed to National Cadet Corps and Karate during those last few years of school when studying was everything. It almost defined if you would be successful in life. "Do you want to be a dud like x?", "Do you want to be failure like y?". These threats worked wonders and many of us studied and forced ourselves to get good grades because we believed our parents and teachers that good academic outcomes would lead to better life outcomes?

Its been 21 years since I left school, with flying colours, ofcourse. I have been in touch with quite a few of my friends from school and many others I know of. The startling revelation has been that nearly all of us, irrespective of our grades, are doing well in our lives. Software engineers, bankers, accountants, architects, doctors, counselors, artists, army personnel, teachers, merchant navy, consultants, pastor and even an odd social worker like me. Are the top graders doing better than the rest? Not the least bit. Are the low performers struggling with life? Not the least bit. Infact, I reckon that if I track down each of my classmates from my batch of 1994, I bet each one of them will be doing reasonably well with life.

Let me also mention that we were not an elite school from any sense of imagination. Our school was as diverse as they come. Daily wage workers, contract labourers, government service professionals, private service professionals and businessmen.

We also didn't get the best education. With 60-70 students in a class and a focus only on academic outcomes, it was not that our teachers focused on each student and managed to build in them a sense of belief and confidence. I remember many of my classmates who began to fall by the wayside in their academics were looked down upon by teachers and peers. Infact, I was discouraged from being friends with some of them because teachers felt that I lose my academic focus under their influence. Seating in classrooms was organized based on academic scores too.

How then, I wonder that all of us had better life outcomes? Maybe, just maybe, there is no correlation between academic outcomes and life outcomes? Are we even willing to challenge this assumption at a time when academic outcomes are increasingly critical in a highly competitive educational environment? In an environment where the government boasts of 100% enrollment in schools and wants each kid to master languages, sciences and mathematics, could we possibly be looking at the problem all wrong? In an environment, where funders believe when more kids stay in school, study well, graduate, go to college, graduate and get a job - are we possibly missing a critical point?  Are we pushing for better and better academic outcomes when that is no strong indicator that it results in better life outcomes?

In my work today. at Dream a Dream, we are working with some of the most vulnerable young people whose academic outcomes are not nearly close to even being average. Over the last 16 years, I have seen school dropouts, poor academic performers, the labeled "duds" and "slow learners" be the most intelligent, sensitive, smart and empathetic individuals and achieve remarkable life outcomes inspite of very poor learning outcomes.

Are we looking at learning all wrong? Are we stuck to an age old system that has long become redundant in the face of a fast changing world? Are we holding onto a system that is the last bastion of a key differentiator between success and failure in a class driven society?

Are we too rigid as a society to change a system that is clearly not working? Stopped working over 2 decades ago if my class is an indicator.

I wonder.