Lakshmi - A Tribute

My earliest memory of her is probably when I was very young and I have a faint memory of seeing her outside her one room house in Nagarthpet. It was a Bangalore where the walls between the rich, middle class and the poor merged seamlessly and we all lived together with respect and dignity.

Lakshmi has been with our family from my earliest memories, followed by her two daughters who also worked in our family and then moved on to setup their own families. Not Lakshmi, we became family for her as she lived the rest of her life in our granny's home.

My impressions of her have formed from the stories I have heard my family speak, sometimes in hushed tones and sometimes in English for she knew none of it. "She has gone made since her husband died." "She has been with us from even before you were born." "She is hiding gold and jewelry in her massive trunk." "She has a lot of money stashed away somewhere." "She is like a second mother to you." "Don't laugh at her when she is talking to the air. She is an elder." "Who else will take care of her, if not us. We are her family."

As I grew up, in this large household of cousins, uncles and aunts, Lakshmi was a constant at Granny's place. She had learnt the language and often I would wonder how this visibly South Indian woman could speak such good Sindhi. She would help with household work while talking to herself or an invisible friend all day long. We laughed and giggled and troubled her for her idiosyncracies. We secretly called her mad and sometimes were scared of her when she shouted and verbally abused this invisible friend.

As I got older, she became invisible to me. I was too busy to notice or acknowledge her presence. Granny moved on, Lakshmi (sometimes called Rathnamma, as mother of Rathna - her eldest daughter) stayed on with our youngest Uncle and his family. I didn't realize when she became a family member, a grand mother to my younger cousins. She was treated with love, care and dignity and as she aged, she was well taken care of and tended to by the family.

When she came home, we would ask how she was and treat her like family. It seemed natural that his woman who had come as a domestic help into our large family had become a member of the family.

The one thing she was fond of was chewing betel nut wrapped in a betel leaf. Mom would always remember to get a pack for her when she went grocery shopping. The other thing she loved collecting were coins. Always asking for coins!

I remember once, a European friend had come home for lunch and we jokingly told her she was my wife. The first question, Lakshmi asked is if the girl can cook a meal for me. She would then fuss over why I could not find a good Indian wife and then she slowly warmed up to my friend. She was happiest when she found out I was getting married and that too, to an Indian bride. She asked for new clothes and wore them with great pride. I remember feeling the urge to seek her blessings and feeling proud to see her happy.

Yet, in my busyness of life, she was more invisible then visible. I would hear faint murmurs of her failing health and forget about it when I got distracted with everything else unimportant in life. On May 11th 2015, Lakshmi moved onto her heavenly abode. She died on her way to the hospital and our family decided to cremate her right away. She was largely invisible in my life and moved on in her own invisible quiet way. A sadness I am yet to overcome. Her true family - My uncle, aunt and his daughters were beside her.

I miss you, Lakshmi. The talkative one. The one with the invisible friend. The one who adopted us as family and became a mother and grand-mother to us. The silent one who saw all, observed all and loved all in your own special way.

Thank you for giving our family the gift of your life. Thank you for taking care of us as children and adults. For ever in gratitude.

A Memory, A Legacy Lives On - GM Row

It must have been the year 1998, nearly 17 years ago when I first met him. Mr. GM Row had Sharp, piercing eyes like he saw all the way into your heart and yet his eyes had kindness in them. He was on the Local Board of Advisors of AIESEC in Bangalore and brought a no-nonsense yet emphatic approach to engaging with us, young college students trying to take our first, uncertain steps into an adult world.

In 1999, when I applied for an International Student Exchange Programme through AIESEC, he was on my interview panel. My first ever interview in life and I was nervous. I distinctly remember he asked me to define Statistics. I went blank. My score of 94 in Statistics didn’t mean anything if I could not even define the subject. He must have seen something else in me. I passed the interview.

This was how I was first introduced to Mr. GM Row. I knew then that I will find a way to connect with this wonderful gentleman again and make him an important part of my life journey. He did go on to become a very dear friend, advisor and role-model for me in the years to come.

In 2002, when I embarked on my social entrepreneurial career, I attended a conference organized by Rotary and Bangalore Cares. Mr. Row was conducting a session on Fundraising and it is still one of the best sessions I have attended. In his unique style, he spoke about two fundamental rules – You need to ask and you need to say ‘thank you’. They became my core tenets. He shared a personal story of how he had sent hundreds of hand-written inland letters (those blue postal letters from another era) asking for donations from family and friends and successfully raised money for a cancer charity. The power of reaching out and asking for money without hesitation or embarrassment is what I learnt from him. For me, he continues to be one of the finest fundraisers that ever lived. The foundation of passionate fundraising came from that session and he became a role model.

Many years later, I had the privilege to work directly with him and my other role model Murray Culshaw when they invited me to join the Board of Bangalore Cares (now India Cares Foundation). Mr. Row and Mr. Culshaw are legends in the voluntary sector for their hardwork, commitment and support to several hundred charities and causes and I could let go of the opportunity to work with and learn from the best in the sector.

Working with Mr. Row gave me the rare opportunity to get to know him intimately. The various Board Meetings at his home, his sharp insights, his remarkable integrity and his unflinching commitment to transparency were traits I learnt from him. He also became a close friend and committed supporter of Dream A Dream. Every year, a letter, hand-written by him will come to my office with a donation to Dream A Dream and words of sincere encouragement. I cherish those letters.

Over the last few years, his health was failing him but not his spirit. He made sure he passed on the mantle of India Cares Foundation with a thorough transition. He continued to associate himself with multiple causes and raised tremendous amounts of money through the TCS 10K Run, infact, even being amongst the top 3 individual fundraiser in multiple years.

In April 2015, this amazing man, left us. He has left behind a rich legacy. A legacy of a stalwart in the sector, who has mentored and built many a social entrepreneur like me, helped us imbibe values of sincerity, honesty, commitment, integrity and a never-give-up spirit. They say people come into our lives for a reason; Mr. Row came into my life as a teacher, a mentor and a role-model par excellence.

Mr. Row, you have moved on and your legacy, values and generosity will live on in the hearts of people like me. You were truly a gentleman belonging to an age of grace, chivalry and integrity. I am eternally grateful to you for filling my life with your values and teaching me to live my life with utmost integrity and responsibility. You are missed and hope you know, wherever you are, you will always have a special place in my heart. Thank you.

Mediocrity - Time to take a stand

"I have over 12 years of experience in the social sector."
"I have completed my MSW and would like to build a career in social impact."
"I have 5 years of experience in the corporate sector and now I am keen to work in the social sector."
"I have experience in leading initiatives, scale projects and build teams."
"I have just graduated and would like to make this world a better place."
"I am deeply committed to young people and would like to work in a role where I can contribute to their lives."

I am sure a lot of us have heard this and more during interviews and has given rise to a glimmer of hope about finally finding the most awesome person for the role that you have been waiting to fill for months. Running an organization for nearly 15 years now, sitting on boards of two organizations and advising a few others in the social sector space, I am seeing a definitive trend at not being able to find the right people to fill the diverse positions across organizations.

What has been more disturbing is that it is not the dearth of applications or potential candidates for the role but the fact that they just don't have the skills, values and aptitude for the role.

However, this is not about blaming the education system or the lack of initiative to learn skills amongst the candidates. I could do that and it won't be saying anything new. I have been delving on this issue for many months and I believe it is important to turn the problem on its head and look at the problem from a different lens.

I am reminded of my short stint at Xerox as a young 21-year old just out of college. My peers used to tell me that salesmen from Xerox are the most sought after in the Industry. Competitors believe that if you have worked at Xerox then you know how to sell anything. The training and mentorship that Xerox provides is unparalleled and makes one into a truly great salesman. It took courage and a bold vision by Xerox to stand out, invest in their people and gain this compliment in a highly competitive space.

I wonder how many non-profits actually have a vision that they will give the best talent to the sector. I wonder how many non-profits courageously and boldly invest in their teams so that they can become the best at whatever they do and when they move onto other careers / jobs they become the most valuable employees in their new jobs and organizations. I wonder how many non-profits can take pride that they employees are the most sought after in the sector and have moved onto leadership positions in other organizations or started their own.

We at Dream A Dream believe that anyone who moves on from Dream A Dream should be the most sought after talent in the sector; that Dream A Dream is the place where we challenge them, make them uncomfortable, push them to their learning edge, believe in their potential and mould them into becoming the best selves that they can be.

The social sector is a new age sector. It is a time of amazing opportunity where many young people are choosing this sector as a career. They come with much hope and anticipation that while they will create deep impact in the world, that they will also learn and grow as human beings and professionals. It is after all our responsibility to mentor these young minds to unlock their full potential. For only a person, who can live and contribute to the fullest can solve the most complex problems of our world.

Yet day in and day out, we meet and interview people who have had 1 / 3 / 5 / 7 / 9 / 10 / 12 / 16 years of experience in diverse sectors and yet are unable to use common sense, take initiative, work in teams, be sensitive, show drive and passion. We wonder what kind of organizations they worked in previously, what kind of managers/mentors they had, if any and we wonder why they didn't take charge of their own learning all these years. We wonder how someone can get so comfortable in the status quo and work hard to become mediocre.

I see a pattern emerging. As I get bored in one job/role, I move to another organization, ask for bigger role and bigger pay and use my experience card to get this bigger role and bigger pay. As I gain more experience in being mediocre, I ask for bigger roles and more pay and very soon I am perpetuating that cycle of mediocrity with my reportees too. Soon, I have built an entire sector that is permeating mediocrity. No wonder then that even with over 3 Million NGOs in the sector, we are not able to wipe out poverty from our country.

Its time, we as NGOs, take a stand to not hire mediocre but more importantly to invest in our people - truly believe that they are awesome and unlock their true potential which will not only help us in our causes but will also increase the standard of talent in the entire sector. Its time we set benchmarks for excellence in the sector. its time we take pride in being part of the 3rd largest sector in the country and contribute to enhancing the skills in the sector through our people. 

Understanding Empowerment

Over the course of 9 days, I had an opportunity to visit, meet and interact with leaders at 6 social enterprises across Delhi, Tilonia and Jaipur and reflect on their work, their values, approach and leadership style. Traveling with a group of 9 other leaders from across countries helped me gain a wider perspective and further refine by own thoughts and understanding.

I saw at work different ideas and a model of empowerment at each of the organizations visited and was left reflecting on, “What is Empowerment?”

At one organization, doing selfless service in providing artificial limbs to the poorest of the poor for over 40 years, I saw the commitment, the focus, and the determination in their work. I saw the generosity of the leader and I saw how their work was providing another shot at livelihood to the poor. The poor came from far and wide – feeling hopeless and apprehensive and went away feeling alive again. Having grown up in India, I have seen how the disabled are treated as a burden, many a time confined to their homes, considered a liability, subject to pity and sympathy and incapable. A person who is disabled due to an accident not only loses their livelihood but also their sense of self, their dignity and many a times the love and respect of their family. Hence, the work of this organization is unquestionably important and needed.

Yet, amongst all this good work, I felt a discomfort. I felt uncomfortable when the founder asked an amputee to remove his artificial limbs and show it to the gathering in full public view. Something didn’t sit well with me when he asked another to run with them. Something didn’t feel right when he asked a woman who had just got a limb to remove it, show her legs and put it back on. The woman obliging in full public view and looking visibly uncomfortable for having to lift her sari while we watched. I cringed with embarrassment but tried to keep my judgment at bay.  I attempted to understand the need to prove the sturdiness and durability of their product but the approach didn’t seem to find favour with me.

He invited another young man, always referring to the young or old as Beta/Beti (son/daughter). He asked him how much money he had on him, the man was hesitant feeling singled out but eventually said he had Rs. 22. One of us was asked to count the money just to be sure. The founder then referred to this man in third person, not asking his name and went on to say that this man is so poor that he cannot even afford a single meal and how can someone expect to charge him for the limbs. I cringed as the man was visibly embarrassed at being called poor in full public view.

The founder was making a valid point around affordability. 95% of the poor were the ones who lost their limbs in accidents. Losing limbs in India meant loss of dignity, loss of livelihood and in many cases abandonment by the family. Hence, the policy of the organization to support the poorest of the poor and not charge them a single rupee. It costs the organization Rs. 3000 to fit one artificial limb and there is no way the poor can afford this cost. No one is sent back. Infact, they gave them a place to stay, three meals a day and even train fare back to their village. They ensured that each individual got a limb within 3 days. All great approaches deeply entrenched in understanding their customer and delivering on their promises. All approaches coming from experiences and having worked in the field for over 40 years. Yet, I felt uncomfortable that the poor and the disabled were assumed to have no dignity and self-esteem and could be singled out in a crowd to showcase their work. While customer endorsement and feedback is important, could there be sensitivity in the way we seek it?

As we walked out of the premises, we saw a group of people waiting for him, some who had got their limbs fixed and some waiting for them to be fixed. He made us stand around, he himself sat on a chair and asked the patients to approach him one by one.

“What is your name? Where are you from? How did you lose your limb? Do you do any work? How much money do you have? How much do you earn? And based on what he heard, he either gave them a livelihood kit of not. What is the livelihood kit you might ask? They have 3 kits – a tailoring unit for a woman and a Tea-stall unit or food stall unit for the man. An initiative to support the livelihoods of people who have lost their jobs because of their disability and give them a chance at earning some income. A very noble gesture indeed and one could see that the people were extremely grateful for the support. I was wondering if the poor could have a choice of livelihood, a shot at pursuing their dreams and if it might have been more empowering to give them money to choose their own livelihood instead. One can argue that money can be misused and the founder mentioned that 20% of the people who receive livelihood kits do misuse it. 

However, where is dignity if there is no trust. Could we give wings to their dreams instead?

The imagery of that moment left me deeply disempowered. What I saw was the poor waiting for him, he sitting there like a king doling out goodies. His body language showed distrust of the poor. The poor standing with folded hands and hopeful eyes and feeling terribly obliged when he did provide them support. The people did feel empowered with a new limb as they saw it as a second shot at life. The people felt grateful at the opportunity to start a new livelihood. I wonder if this is enough.

Isn’t empowerment treating them with dignity in their disability and ensuring they go away feeling that they are capable of achieving all their dreams and desires and there is no limit to what they can achieve in life?

Isn’t empowerment believing that they are able and capable with or without limbs and our job is to enhance their sense of self and give them the tools (artificial limbs) that will give wings to their dreams?

Isn’t empowerment ensuring that the disabled are treated with dignity by their families, communities and by the government?

Isn’t empowerment, using our cause to change mindsets about disability and fighting for laws that ensure the rights of the disabled?

Is giving limbs enough? I am reminded of an American friend who lost his limbs in a landmine accident at an early age of 19 and went on to start an International organization fighting for a land-mine free world that won the noble peace prize. His artificial limbs gave him his life back but it was his sense of purpose, sense of self that made him change the way the world looks at the disabled.

In our group, we had a blind participant from UK. Traveling on her own for the first time to India, she came with confidence and a sense of purpose. She managed to traverse the complexity of India and its chaos on her own not once feeling dependent or vulnerable. Her sensitivity and insights left us spell-bound as she saw India with her other senses. I wonder what did her family, her community and her society do to build this sense of dignity in her, to make her feel that she was capable and not disabled in anyway.

I am deeply inspired by this organization’s commitment and dedicated self-less service. With over 24,500 artificial limbs been fixed every year, it takes tremendous amount of hard work to make it happen. I am delighted that organization’s such as these exist who are not worried about sustainability, scale, replicability, etc. but truly believe that if we continue to do our work with sincerity and a sense of purpose, God will always find a way to help us. The founder has been a dedicated volunteer for over 39 years and runs the organization on principles of frugality even paying for our tea from his pocket. His child-like enthusiasm and a sense of curiosity is endearing. His commitment to the poor is unquestionable. It takes courage to take on such a difficult cause and stick with it for over four decades.

As I sit back and ask myself, “What is empowerment?”, this is what I receive. Giving limbs is the first step to empowerment which this organization does beautifully. However, for me, it is also breaking my own prejudices about the poor and disabled; about truly believing that the poor and disabled are capable and able; they have dignity just like I do and it’s not only my actions but also my intentions that are critical as I chose to bring them products and services. Being sensitive and treating each human being, irrespective of their background and disability, with respect is truly empowering myself and through my being empowering the people I work with. 

Children are an inspiration world over

The US Department of State, US Consulate, last year selected me for an International Visitor Leadership Programme, a sponsored programme in the area of "NGO Management of Youth Programmes". Me and 10 other people running NGOs in India, Bangladesh, Nepal, Afghanistan and Pakistan are part of the programme. The programme aims to provide us a detailed exposure to the working of the US Government and its various departments, meeting NGOs offering programmes in Youth Development and a wholesome Cultural Experience.

Since July 2nd (when I landed in Washington DC), It has been a truly enriching and inspiring experience and there has been so much learning that I would have to actually write a book to capture everything. In a nutshell, I will share a few experience from the Dream A Dream perspective.

Youth Mapping, an organization that works with youth from vulnerable communities and involves them in community surveys. In the process building life skills in them. An inspiring project that can be integrated with our Dream Catchers programme. can you imagine, they use the unemployed youth to do surveys and find solutions to their neighbourhood problems..its a live project and in the process the youth pick up skills that will help them find excellent jobs.

Girls and Boys Club - A club working to do after school activities for children from poor communities. I saw the Dream Home in reality here. Played a game of connect with a bunch of very smart 5 yr black kids. Interacted and answered questions of some teenage children about children in India, problems of education, poverty, drug abuse and work of NGOs. Came out from the meeting, sharing my autograph with the kids and they promising to write a letter to the kids we work with India and maybe next year, doing a joint exchange programme. The possibilities are absolutely limitless.

Met Mr. Samuel Harpin, a veteran working on American Youth Policy. it was just an totally mesmerising experience to hear this veteran of over 35 years of experience and his work with the youth in the US. They have done such extensive research on the needs and aspirations of youth and created some brilliant life skills programmes. He was most willing to share all the programmes / manuals and curriculum with us and that's believe me a wealth of knowledge that we can tap into to improve our own Livelihood Programme.

Met an NGO called Special Olympics which are doing some ground-breaking work in including people with disabilities in sports. it was interesting to see how they have developed their donor database, nurtured it and built it over the years. They are present in more than 150 countries today supporting sports for people with disabilities. The lady promised to connect me with a few grant making organizations.

YES - Youth Exchange and Study programme that brings in young people from different countries to come and study for a year in the US completely sponsored by the government. Imagine the wealth of opportunities this could open out for some of the children because most children they sponsor come from vulnerable backgrounds..

All the above and more meetings were in Washington DC. Then, we moved to Tulsa, a small city in the state of Oklahoma in Central America and this has been the best part of my trip so far since I got a chance to actually meet and interact with young people.

Met Ms. Lynda Endres, a woman with a infectious passion in building volunteers for the Tulsa city community projects and guess what, these volunteers are children. They run a programme called Kids in Action for children under the age of 14 years who wish to volunteer and guess what, there are hundreds of children below 14 who are interested in volunteering. Met a 11 year old Noah who started volunteering at a Food Bank after he saw an ad of TV about a lot of hungry people. He was not allowed to volunteer because of his young age but he fought the system and he today runs an independent kids programme - kids who collect and donate food to the food Bank. A young girl called Tiffany who in her early teens saw that many poor children did not get a chance to go to their school prom because they could not afford new dresses, so she start an organization called prom wishes, where she collected old prom clothes, got sponsors to donate prom dresses and gave it to young children so that they could go for a prom, A very thoughtful initiative that has become a registered orgn. today which not only supplies dresses but also counsels / trains young teens about safe sex / abstinence / drunken driving / drug abuse which are common at a prom party...I mean this is such a brilliant medium...again great ideas and stories to make our dream catchers programme real strong...Lynda summed up the meeting saying...If just the adults to get out of the way of the children, children can change the world...Lynda has promised to mentor me develop this programme further, share all her resources and systems and also some of her passion :))))

met the Islamic Society of Tulsa - a ground breaking organization that is building bridges, interaction and tolerance among the youth for diverse religious communities..through camps, visits to places of worship and community talks..I could see they had done some remarkable work in they they spoke about their achievements and in the way the diverse communities have just come together and are living in harmony. A lot that we in India can learn from them about how the Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus, Christians and natives are coming together to make Tulsa a safe place to live in and for their children to grow up in. Its such an inspiring community initiative.

lastly today, we met a daily newspaper called Tulsa World. They are doing a phenomenal project whereby they get teenagers from high school to actually come out with a weekly supplement in their main paper. In over two hours of interacting with 4 15 year old..I was inspired by their ideas to change the world, to make young people in the US more proactive and interested in their communities. The girls write about problems and issues of teens and in the process have helped change a lot of attitudes of their parents. its awesome what such a simple idea can do and guess what they have over 80 school students volunteering to work in the paper at any given time...it just goes to show how many different ways there really exist to build skills among the youth and empower them. I hope Times of India is listening...

Its been a really long day today..but my mind is whirring with all the learning and I am so convinced that what we are trying to achieve at Dream A Dream is phenomenal and we should just keep doing it and do it right...

I will keep you people posted as I have another 10 days of meetings and inspiring experiences lined up. If you wish to read more about some of my cultural experiences...you can take a look at my blog...http://illusionsandironies.blogspot.com/

This international experience has become a life changing experience in my journey of life and I come back with a renewed rigour and passion to continue to weave dreams for millions of children. I need your support in this endeavour...so keep volunteering!!!

It is in our hands!

Lingamma and Meha, two 3-year olds who have been brightening up my mornings for more than a week now. Meha stands at the balcony and Lingamma stands at the mud mound below; every morning soaking in the colours, sounds and people of the morning. Both of them with sparkling wide eyes, full of life and excitement. Both of them fresh from the dreamy sleep of the night, talking a language of their own with the world.

Meha loves to shout out to the world – be it the vegetable vendor, the cars, the bikes and the occasional passerby – Ahoy! Ahoy! She goes in a language that none understand but everyone responds. She watches her grand-dad water the plants and is fascinated by the water forming a pool around her legs and making a waterfall from the drain-pipe on the balcony. She runs in and out of her house – happy and carefree.

Lingamma gets her bath by the roadside; cold and refreshing given to her by her 5-yr old sister. She splashes water around, wears her clothes of yesterday all excited that it’s her favourite frock. Sits on a granite slab and shares a meal with her 2-yr old brother and then starts her daily adventure by running up and down the small lane with speeding vehicles. She is careful though, her instincts to stay safe, alive and kicking protecting her. She rolls over the mud mound, picks up things that fascinate her from the road, throws them around and watches with amazement as the morning birds, insects and people move around.

Two very beautiful, happy, carefree and lovely children brighten up my day. One from the house from across my house another from the construction site next to my house.

Meha would possibly go to a good school, heavy school-bags, pressure of performance, make friends and have a normal development. Lingamma would probably move from one construction site to another, miss school, and make friends with other kids at construction sites.

I wonder how life would differ or be similar for these two lovely kids. I wonder what life has in store for them.

I wonder when kids in India would have a carefree, happy development with their Rights to Survival, Protection, Development and Participation held and met in equal measure without prejudice. It’s after all in our hands!!!

Seven Sisters Primary School

I visited the Seven Sisters Primary School, a government supported school but unique in its own way because it embraced and opened its arms for children from all nationalities, religions and ethnicity. I got the opportunity and privilege to visit the school through an other friend who was going to do a story-telling project with 9-year olds at the school.

The first thing that hit me when I entered the school was the variety of colours of humans / children that I saw. Smiling blacks, browns and whites :). I was surprised to see that no one was surprised to see me - a brown coloured Indian for lack of a better term.

The second thing that hit me was how close the school looked to my Dream Home. Colourful classes, wide benches, trees, graffiti, playgrounds, art rooms, etc. Oh! In my life-time, I want as many Dream Homes for children as the number of years left in my life.

The children were from all over the world - Indian, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Iranian, from Mauritius, Africa, and from UK too. They spoke lovely english and were very intelligent. The story was long and in parts difficult and boring. Over 12 pages long, even I dozed off for 10 Mins but the children participated actively in the discussion afterwards and came up with some really smart comments on the story. The children were enthusiastic and did not hesitate to speak up, to share their opinions, to agree or disagree. I saw some lovely life skills at work. The most beautiful aspect was that they were not conscious that each of them came from different backgrounds, countries and cultures. It was truly diversity at work.

Such an entralling experience it was to be surrounded by children from such diverse abckgrounds and all under one roof. I wish the larger world outside could become like that.

I walked away trying to remember 20 names but managed just a few - Akram, Natasha, Gorken, Ridwan, Manya, Jodie. All ,ovely children who in that 2 hours taught me about love, togetherness and life skills. I came away more certain than ever, that the Dream Home will happen.