In many conversations, around the world, I have had
well-wishers who have always remarked that children who grow up in adversity
have more resilience, so they are likely to do well in life. I have always
cringed at this naïve correlation between adversity and resilience. I agree,
some children growing up in adversity do have higher resilience, but that
resilience needs a champion and needs a support system for it to truly help a
child thrive.
A powerful way to explain this is through the story of
Poorna (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poorna:_Courage_Has_No_Limit),
one of the youngest girl to climb Mount Everest at the age of 13 years and 11 Months.
If you haven’t seen this inspiring true story made into a movie by Rahul Bose called
‘Poorna’, do watch it and one will understand what I am trying to say.
Poorna is born and grows up in abject poverty. She has
loving and supportive parents, but they don’t know much and are easily
influenced by people and circumstances around them. Her first champion is her
elder cousin sister who teachers Poorna her first life lessons, about not giving
up, having a dream and doing everything you can to achieve your dreams. Even
choosing to run away from home. It is in this relationship that Poorna’s
tenacity and resilience are seeded.
Poorna’s father does put her in a government residential
school but not because he is invested in her education but because he doesn’t
have money to get her married immediately. When left with a choice to be in
school or leave this new school (which has not been what she expected), she
chooses to run away again. Not a choice made from resilience but out of
disappointment. She doesn’t yet have the life skills to make a healthy life
choice. Had this choice become true, she would probably have got married soon
and her life trajectory would have been different.
Here she found her champion, IAS officer, Dr R S Praveen
Kumar. In his very first interaction, which is beautifully captured in the
movie, he shows care, respect and creates safety and trust in the relationship
which helps Poorna make a different choice. One can see, she is now building
her support system – Her parents, her sister and now a caring adult who is
invested in all children like Poorna.
During her school break, when she is planning to come home.
Her sister comes to her support again. Her sister has her back and does not
want Poorna to end up with the same fate as her. She must make a difficult
choice again. ‘Do I go home, and risk being married off or do I go for a rock
climbing trip?’ She chooses rock climbing and life changes forever for Poorna.
Praveen opens opportunities for young people like Poorna. He
visits the program. He remembers her. He talks to her with respect and care. He
gives her the sense that he is backing her. Poorna’s confidence is building.
Now she has more supporters. Her rock climbing instructor who is tough with her
but also encouraging. He notices that Poorna is special and validates her. He
teaches her new skills and new ways of being. Praveen and her instructor now
start building her vision, her aspiration and the medium of rock-climbing, intrinsically
rich in developing Life Skills, becomes her tool to achieve her dreams.
Praveen pushes Poorna to find her reason to climb the Everest.
For a purpose is key to accomplish such a challenging task and without purpose,
he knows well, that she might give up when faced with difficulty. Poorna finds
her purpose in the death of her sister and then there is no turning back.
All through the story, Praveen is also deeply respectful of
Poorna’s choices even if they seem different from his own choices for her. This
is critical for one to be truly a champion for young people. It is to know that
the goal is for young people like Poorna to learn to make their choices for
resilience emerges from the difficult choices we make in life. When Poorna
decides to go ack home at the death of her sister and not pursue her dream,
Praveen, while disappointed, does not show it, but backs her choice. When
Poorna decides to make the Everest summit despite her illness, Praveen backs
her again and lets her make her own choice. This will stand in good stead for
Poorna for life.
And as one can see in the movie, the rest is history.
Praveen, her parents, her sister through the poignantly beautiful letter she
leaves for Poorna, her instructors, her colleagues like Anand are all her
champions now. They are all seeding tenacity, resilience, healthy choice
making, self-awareness, critical thinking in Poorna through their interactions
with her. She has a village of champions now.
That’s how Poorna learns to soar
and that’s what gives Poorna the resilience to make through the last hurdles
before she finally conquers The Everest. They are all by her side through her
journey.
Children like Poorna who grow up in adversity don’t
naturally have resilience. They need champions. They need us. We as parents,
colleagues, teachers and every single adult have the capacity to become a
champion for at least one child like Poorna around us. Let’s play our role.
Let’s be that Champion and then the world is truly at their feet.
