Thursday, March 27, 2025

Walking as Healing


Discipline around my physical health has been my achilles heal for the longest time. I had a story in my head which had become a limiting belief that I just can't commit myself to a physical activity discipline. Support has come in many ways. Encouragement to go for yoga classes, join a gym, accompanying me on my walks, offering to come join me in a sport, treks, hikes, etc. 

I sometimes tried, got exhausted and let it go. Many a time, I even refused to try giving an excuse or another. I would start a regime of going on walks and then be exhausted after a few days and give up. I would have something or someone to blame. Living with mental health challenges further bundled with a host of physical issues has always been a good reason to not try or give up quickly. 

In the middle of 2024, we had found solutions to most of my physical ailments - be it medications, therapy, physiotherapy, stress-free enviroment, reduced workload, learning to say 'NO', CPAP machine, etc. Yet, I didn't feel well enough. I felt the doctor was still missing something. My doctor, a remarkable woman, said, 'Vishal, I am clearing you. There is nothing more I can offer you. Now, its upto you. You have to take charge of getting better because now its all in your head.'

For sometime, I was very angry with her. How can she just give up on me? I don't feel well. I believe she is not listening to me anymore. As I calmed down, reflected, I realised I must feel elated and joyful. This is a moment of celebration. The challenges I was carrying for over a decade and believed will never be solved were now getting solved. I had finally received a clean bill of health. Wow! It was a strange realization - Who am I if not for my illness which has become my identity? What will I tell myself, my family and friends now? Sharing stories of how ill I am had become a badge of honour that I wore with pride and shame. How can I suddenly let go of the identity that had defined me. Slowly, I relaxed, let go and finally breathed a huge sigh of relief. I cried with joy and felt lighter.

Soon after, I don't remember the exact moment but one fine morning, I woke up at 5 am (thanks to my cat, Mishtu who believes his core existence is to ensure I am woken up at 5 am), I didn't feel irritated or angry and I decided to go for a walk. My partner had been recommending audible. Downloaded it, got a book, 'The Autobiography Of A Yogi' and my journey had begun. 

4-5 kms a day, listening to Ben Kinsley narrate the book, embracing the beauty of spring in Bangalore. Watching the gorgeous grand, old trees; taking in the mixed perfumes of the spring flowers in full bloom; my mind and body finally in sync. I began walking daily. 

Yesterday, I completed 31 days of walking (out of 34) wherein I completed my daily goals. I have walked 398,876 steps. Now, as I wake up every morning, my body urges me to step out and get going. Feeding the cats, finishing morning chores, getting supplies ready for the cook and I am off. 

I completed the book, got onto another book, paused a bit and started listening to the 'On Being' podcast by Krista Tippett and on some days relished my playlist of songs. 

I am healing! I am getting better! I am beginning to feel it in my bones and I wanted to celebrate this moment. 

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

…and you will heal and walk and feel joyous in everyday thing. There is no other way to be, and you are doing it so beautifully. Inspiring

Tulika Verma said...

Sometimes, it can be surprising how identities we have held onto so tightly begin to fall off with certain uncomfortable choices. Celebrating your healing and your courage in sharing the inner aspect of this story

Rishabh Lalani said...

This is so heartening to hear, Vishal

Vishal Talreja said...

Thank you

Vishal Talreja said...

Thank you Tulika

Vishal Talreja said...

Thank you Bhai

Rohit Kumar said...

Beautiful 😍

Kartik Varma said...

Beautiful! Godspeed and may we all find the courage to do what you are doing.

Jerry White said...

Love love love reading this and feeling the vibrations of health and hope arising!

Anonymous said...

Really happy to hear the great progress on your healing journey. I like your choice for a book to start your walks - there's a lot in there for reflecting.
Looking forward to meeting up again soon.

Pilvi Torsti said...

My dear! This is quite incredible. While you know my dedication and commitment to regular physical exercise I do not remember us sharing on WALKING! I was introduced to a concept of leadership walks at EU and have been participating and also leading walks myself. I was also in a session in which early morning silence walks were a topic. For me the mornings are either running (like this morning with sunrise) listening to chosen podcast/book or gym but I can fully relate to you walking. Let us see what we combine for 2026- So happy to read your blog.

Vishal Talreja said...

Thank you Rohit

Vishal Talreja said...

Thank you Kartik

Vishal Talreja said...

Always grateful for your love Jerry

Vishal Talreja said...

Thank you

Vishal Talreja said...

Thank you always for your love, care and friendship Pilvi

Anonymous said...

Dear Vishal, so heartwarming to see this blog. Well done you. We know what a hard and long journey this has been. May you and Suchetha continue to grow and thrive, whatever life sends your way. Love, Fiona and Dave xxxx

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